In celebration of Ordain Women’s fifth anniversary, we sponsored a panel at the 2018 Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City titled “Looking Back, Looking Forward: The Many Voices of Ordain Women.” As we look to the future and a new organizational structure that emphasizes both individual and collective, local and global activism on women’s ordination and gender equality in the Church, the panel not only drew on the past to inform a discussion of our initiatives going forward but also featured the thoughts and experiences of a number of OW executive board members and supporters who share the common vision of a more equitable religious community. The following was presented by OW profile holder and supporter, Marina Capella.
Christian and I participated in the October 2013 Priesthood Session Action and gained a little bit of optimism from the level of participation we witnessed and the conversations that reverberated throughout the Mormon world afterward. The following year our optimism took a dive after the excommunication of Kate Kelly.
Excommunication, however, wasn’t new to the Anderson family. Christian had chosen to remain active in church even after his own mother’s excommunication in 1993.
While Kate’s excommunication was shocking and heartbreaking, it wasn’t enough to push us out. We had, after all, an incredible example of stalwart, stubborn persistence in Lavina.
In 2015, I was feeling more despondent in a new ward that seemed hostile to heterodoxy. I wondered if my mere membership made me somehow complicit in the church’s wrongs and considered resigning. My despondency peaked in March of 2015 when I had a disheartening experience at church. In an atypical act of bravery, I decided to write and share a genuine testimony one fast Sunday. I intentionally waited to be the last speaker, anticipating that my remarks might spark some backlash by my bishopric. I opened by sharing some benign remarks about how fast and testimony meeting gives us an opportunity to share genuine experiences and come to see one another as more than nicely-dressed automatons devoid of personal struggles. Then I got to the doozy. These were my remarks that followed.
“I have been considering resigning my membership from this church. After 32 years as a member, this is not an easy thing to consider. It is a painful prospect. But the fact is, I don’t feel like there is an acceptable place for me in this church anymore. I don’t believe some of the things I once did, nor do I think I ever can. Specifically, I don’t believe that the gendered segregation of leadership and priesthood responsibilities in this church is doctrine inspired by God. I think that gender, like race, is one of the MANY differences among us that conspire to divide us rather than unite us.”
Somewhere in the middle of that last sentence, with a few paragraphs left to go, a woman in the back of the chapel stood up and loudly proclaimed, “You need to stop!” I paused my testimony, turned to the bishop, and asked him if I needed to stop. He looked like a deer in the headlights, so I decided I would probably stop to avoid further drama. I turned back to the audience and the woman in the back again loudly proclaimed, “You need to stop!” I looked at her and, still teary-eyed and blubbering a little, replied, “We are called to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. How dare you call yourself a Christian!” and left the podium. The bishop abruptly brought the meeting to a close, and his counselor bore a quick but firm “the church is true” testimony to end the meeting. A host of people came up to me afterward, gave me hugs, and apologized for what had happened. My bishop called me later that day to apologize as well, but also made it clear that I could NOT discuss such topics at church without risking church discipline. The woman who had commanded me to stop later wrote me a note that explained she did what she did to “protect the children,” ironically enough.
We stuck it out in that ward a few more months before deciding we needed a break. We attended another church for about six months, but something nagged us to return. We eventually found ourselves attending a Spanish-speaking ward where I was abruptly, and VERY unexpectedly, called to be Young Women’s President. I was open with my bishop about my viewpoints and struggles, but he insisted that the inspiration he had received to call me to the position was undeniable, and it warranted defending the call to the Stake Presidency despite their reservations. I have appreciated his faith in revelation and in me as I’ve done my best to serve the young women of our small and struggling ward. My service in the past two years has required some sacrifice and discomfort. I was pressured to renew my temple recommend. I have to grit my teeth through comments in church meetings and avoid discussing certain topics openly and honestly. I can only hope I have done some good teaching what I can in my own nuanced ways and leading by example.
Christian and I will be moving to Utah in a few months, so the next chapter of our religious life remains to be written. To be honest, we’re hoping for another break to re-charge.
Reflecting on my own experience and the experiences of other OW supporters, I have two parting thoughts. First, being a supporter of women’s ordination within the LDS church often comes at severe personal costs. Church discipline, family estrangement, and blowback from ward members even in progressive wards are all too common. For any woman who chooses to stay, the constant reminder that she is not allowed to exercise her spiritual gifts fully can be equally painful.
Second, Ordain Women encourages critical thinking to garner support. However, if successful, supporters often begin to think critically about other issues – LGBTQ+ mistreatment, race relations, historical deceptions, authoritarianism, etc. Once you realize there’s more than just one big problem to solve, long-term activity in the church AND Ordain Women becomes less and less tenable. For many Ordain Women supporters, the church’s response to Ordain Women (especially Kate’s excommunication) and, later, the November exclusion policy functioned to highlight other big problems of ecclesiastical abuse and mistreatment of LGBTQ+ individuals. As a result, many supporters stepped away from church activity and, hand-in-hand, Ordain Women activism. To move forward, we may well have to embrace the fact that Ordain Women will often be a stepping stone on a longer faith journey for all but the most self-sacrificing and dedicated among us [Lorie, I’m looking at you].
Is it worth it, then? I think it is. I think that trying to make the world a more equitable place for ourselves and future generations is worthwhile. Very few of us may be in it for the long haul, but lots of small efforts by many people add up to something greater, and that’s how progress happens.
You can listen to the Sunstone presentation:
Stream here or download. For access to more of Sunstone’s 2018 Symposium, visit their website.