Sunday Spotlight – Audrey
Today’s profile features Audrey, who was a Relief Society President in Newtown, Connecticut when the Sandy Hook tragedy occurred.
Tell us about your connection to Mormonism.
I am a multi-generational Mormon. My ancestors on my mother’s side of the family date back to the Joseph Smith era. I was raised in a staunch Mormon family, am a returned missionary, and have had many callings in the church including Relief Society President and Stake callings. My favorite calling was Primary chorister. I love music and I love children.
What are some of the things you love about the Church?
I have moved around a lot during my entire life – 19 places so far. One of the things I love about the Church is the immediate sense of community it provides.
What are some examples of gender inequality you see in the Church?
Women don’t really have much of a say in the decisions made in the church. Sometimes a woman’s opinions are listened to, but all decisions are finalized by men. That is not the wisest course for anyone. I have also seen a huge difference in the YM and YW programs. The emphasis seems to be on prescribed gender roles rather than individual strengths and interests.
Aside from ordination, what are some changes you would like to see implemented immediately in the Church?
I would like to see more of an emphasis on simple kindness. I think if the church would move away from a focus on little things (coffee, conformity, how people dress, etc.) and focus instead on loving the individual and being kind to everyone, things would be better. I also think that if we go into conversion accepting and loving people’s differences – no matter what they are – instead of trying to change them to whatever version we think is “right”, we would make the Church a much more universal place.
What prompted you to put up your profile?
I had always had feelings of inadequacy in the Church and a dissatisfaction with the role of women. I remember these feelings when I was 9, when I was on a mission, and throughout my life. I was RS president in Newtown, CT when the Sandy Hook shooting occurred. It was such a difficult time – one that I am still dealing with. Even during this tragedy and with a great bishopric and stake presidency, my hands were frequently tied simply because of my gender. I couldn’t make final decisions for the ward. I couldn’t offer blessings to those that needed them. I couldn’t even offer priesthood blessings to my own ward sisters or my own children. I couldn’t ask my counselors and ward sisters for blessings – those of us working together and who knew each other’s needs more than anyone – for myself. It was and still is sometimes excruciating.
How have people close to you reacted to your advocacy for women’s ordination?
My ward has distanced itself from me. I have not had a VT visit in almost a year. I, too, have distanced myself from them. My only sister has not called me or spoken to me in person since my profile has gone up. On the other hand, I have many friends who are very supportive. My husband and children are also very supportive. They know how much I struggled with posting/writing a profile. They – especially my husband – knows that I wouldn’t have done it unless I truly felt that it was important and inspired. I firmly believe that the opportunity for ordination needs to be extended to everyone, regardless of gender.
How do you see the perception of OW changing with ward members/family/friends?
I think the OW has opened up discussions and made many aware of feelings of dissatisfaction. It is a good thing.
What gives you hope for the future?
The youth today give me hope for the future. I frequently help/do costuming at our local high school here in CT. So many things that were taboo when I was young are accepted and embraced. I see open minded questions and thoughts, laughter and communication. It’s beautiful.
Baptism: A Returned Missionary’s Story
This summer my daughter will turn 8 years old. This means that the time has come for me to prepare her to make a very significant covenant with the Lord, that of baptism.
Early on, I saw the light of Christ touch my daughter’s life. I witnessed the pivotal moments where her testimony of God was being built. Every day together we took the time to read from the Holy Scriptures and we have had many edifying conversations about God and His mysteries.
One night as I was lying down in my bed, I pondered in my heart all the moments of grace that had visited my daughter’s life. I was filled with gratitude for the Lord’s many tender mercies. I remembered all the times the Holy Spirit had testified to her heart of the love of her Heavenly Parents and Jesus Christ. I thought of her baptismal day and of the Spirit that we will be able to feel. I also found myself asking a surprising question for a Mormon woman, “what if it was I who went down into the font with the authority to baptize her?”
As this thought came to me, a great feeling of happiness overcame me. I was deeply touched to envision myself physically accompanying my daughter into the waters of baptism. After all, I had eagerly prepared her to make this covenant. I felt the influence of the Spirit so strongly, showing me the great power and immense beauty manifested in the performance of an ordinance, especially for someone with whom I had been actively involved in their conversion.
The walls of my understanding expanded as a cascade of thoughts entered my mind. Having served a mission and been an instrument in the conversion of many, I now asked myself: “What if I could have performed the baptism of Hanta or Roger and Dominique instead of brothers who had just barely learned their first names”? Again my heart was overflowing with emotion at the idea of being able to baptize even one person with whom I shared their conversion journey. What a great moment of fellowship that would have been!
My husband will administer the ordinance of baptism for my daughter. I could not choose a better man to accompany her. I am blessed to have a worthy priesthood holder as a husband and father of my children. But I know that this is not the case for all my sisters in the Church, as many are single parents or in marriages where husbands cannot perform ordinances. “How would I feel in their place, if a man who knew little of the magnitude of the heart and the testimony of my daughter, performed the ordinance of baptism for her? How would my daughter feel?”
This questioning does not prevent me from making sure my daughter receives this essential ordinance of salvation. But my hope is that these heartfelt questions will be taken into account by the Lord and that the time will come when all worthy and loving parents, regardless of gender, will be able to officiate in the ordinances of the Holy Priesthood on behalf of their loved ones. I have a testimony that with God nothing is impossible, and in His time, when we are ready, fathers and mothers will be able to use their priesthood privilege to bless their own posterity. So I place my faith, my heart, and my hope in the hands of God and in the hands of those He has chosen to lead His Church.
French Translation:
Cet été ma fille aura 8 ans. Cela signifie que le temps est venu pour moi de la préparer à contracter une alliance importante avec le Seigneur : celle du baptême.
Très tôt, j’ai vu la lumière du Christ toucher l’existence de ma fille. J’ai été témoin des moments charnières de sa vie où un témoignage de Dieu se dessine et se construit. Chaque jour ensemble, j’ai pris le temps de lire les Saintes Écritures et nous avons eu d’édifiantes conversations sur Dieu et ses mystères.
Un soir dans mon lit, je repassais en mon cœur tous les moments de grâces qui avaient visités la vie de ma fille. J’étais remplie de gratitude pour les tendres miséricordes du Seigneur. Je me souvenais de toutes les fois où l’Esprit Saint avait témoigné au cœur de ma fille de l’amour de ses Parents Célestes et de Jésus-Christ. Je songeais au jour de son baptême et à l’Esprit qu’on y ressentirait. Je me surpris aussi soudain à me poser la question suivante : « et si c’était moi qui descendais dans l’eau et qui détenais l’autorité de baptiser ma propre fille? »
À cette pensée, un sentiment de grand bonheur m’envahit. J’étais profondément touchée de me voir physiquement accompagner ma fille jusqu’aux eaux du baptême. Je l’avais si ardemment préparée pour cette ordonnance! L’Esprit me témoignait du grand pouvoir et de l’immense beauté qui résident dans l’exécution d’une ordonnance effectuée pour une personne dont on a activement participé à la conversion.
Les murs de mon imagination étaient repoussés et une pluie d’autres souvenirs envahirent mon esprit. Ayant servis une mission et participé à la conversion de plusieurs personnes, je me posais maintenant la question : « et si j’avais pu accomplir le baptême d’Hanta ou Roger, ou encore Dominique au lieu de frères qui avaient à peine fait leur connaissance? » Encore une fois mon cœur débordait d’émotions à l’idée de pouvoir baptiser ne serait-ce qu’une personne à laquelle j’avais participé à la conversion durant ma mission. Quel grand moment de fraternité cela aurait pu être!
Mon mari, administrera l’ordonnance du baptême pour ma fille. Je ne pourrai choisir meilleur homme pour l’accompagner. Je suis bénie d’avoir un détenteur digne de la prêtrise comme mari et père de mes enfants. Mais je sais que cela n’est pas le cas pour toutes mes sœurs de l’Église, plusieurs sont le seul parent, d’autres ont un époux non pratiquant. « Comment me sentirai-je à leur place, si un homme qui ne connaissait rien de l’ampleur du cœur et du témoignage de ma fille, accomplissait l’ordonnance du baptême pour elle? Comment ma fille se sentirait-elle? »
Ce questionnement ne m’empêcherait sans doute pas de faire accomplir cette ordonnance salvatrice et irremplaçable pour ma fille. Cependant mon souhait est que ces choses soient dans un avenir prises en considération et pesées dans la balance du Seigneur. Que le temps vienne un jour où tous parents dignes et aimants puissent officier dans les ordonnances de la prêtrise pour leur enfant sans considération de sexe. J’ai le témoignage que rien n’est impossible à Dieu et qu’en son temps, lorsque nous serons prêts, père et mère pourront bénir par leur prêtrise leur postérité. Je place donc ma foi, mon cœur et mon espoir entre les mains de Dieu et de ceux qu’il a choisis pour diriger sont Église.
OW’s Esther (not pictured in this photo illustration) is the author of this beautiful post. She’s a native French speaker, returned missionary, and mother living in Canada.
Go Back…Where You Belong
Sean Carter, the author of this post, is a Harvard law graduate, law humorist, and is on the Ordain Women Executive Board.
I really should have known better. In fact, our leaders have cautioned us repeatedly about the dangers that can befall someone on the Internet late at night. And sure enough, I had found myself ensnared in an online activity that has wreaked havoc in the lives of many otherwise righteous saints – arguing politics on Facebook.
In addition to be maddening and frustrating, arguing politics with strangers on the Internet is just plain pointless. Never in the history of the web has any Internet debate ended in a greater understanding of differing viewpoints. It usually simply ends with profanity and racial/gender slurs, and this conversation was no different.
And how could it be any different? It was a conversation on the current unrest in Baltimore and the more general issues of police brutality, poverty, race, class, etc. As you can see, the only way to make this conversation riper for contention would have been to throw in religion or predictions for the upcoming American Idol season finale (Rayvon Owen is going all the way and if you don’t agree with me, you’re stupid).
And true to form, as the night progressed, the conversation went from dumb to dumber to even dumbest, when someone wrote: “Well, if you blacks are so unhappy here in America, why don’t you go back to where you came from? Why don’t you just go back to Africa?”
Mustering my years of training in rhetoric and law, I formulated the perfect response: “[Racial slur], I am where I came from! And since my people built this [profanity] place, we ain’t going nowhere.” After typing a few more (even less cogent) responses, I took the hint and went to bed, vowing to never again engage in such a trivial pursuit – a vow that I kept for almost an entire week.
This Sunday, I found myself in an almost identical conversation. However, the forum was not Facebook, but rather during the Sunday School at church. I was talking with the couple seated next to me when one of them asked, “Sean, I understand your support for ordaining women, but if you feel that way, why don’t you go to another church that ordains women, instead of causing trouble here?” My Internet instincts began to take root and I was tempted to respond, “[Racial slur], this is my church too! And since my people built this place, I ain’t going nowhere!”
Now, obviously, this is not what I said. For one, her ethnicity is not altogether discernible from her looks so I ran the risk of using the wrong racial slur. Even more, I couldn’t truthfully argue that “my people built this place,” because I’m a convert of just four years. With the exception of three very slow-rolling Pinewood Derby cars, I haven’t built a darn thing in this church.
So instead, I attempted to patiently explain to my beloved sister that my people haven’t historically just “cut and run” when things have been hard for us here in America. Whether due to necessity or out of a sense of obligation, we have stuck it out. We have seldom been welcomed, particularly when we’ve shown the courage to voice our discontent, but we stay anyway.
We stay out of a sense of ownership. This is our country too! My ancestors toiled in cotton fields, subsisted as sharecroppers and worked in northern factories so that I would have the opportunity to share in this nation’s riches. I would betray their blood, sweat and tears if I decided to “go back to Africa,” especially given how far we have come. I have an obligation to, as they would often sing on plantations in the dead of night, “Hold on. Keep your hand on the plow, hand on.”
We also stay out of a sense of obligation to the rest of you. It is our sacred duty to push America to live up to its ideals that “all men [and women] are created equal”, and to bear whatever cost that may entail. In fact, this is precisely what Dr. King urged in his famous “I Have a Dream Speech”:
“I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest — quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.”
As the “black sheep” of the Mormon herd, I think that we “liberal” Mormons would be wise to follow this same advice. Many of you are the descendants of men and women who gave everything for the founding of this glorious Church. In some cases, they left the only world they knew behind to come to a strange wilderness called America in the hopes of building Zion. Others risked their very lives in treks across the plains to reach Utah. And still others left behind their religious traditions and were ostracized by family members, friends and their communities to follow the dictates of their conscience.
For their sakes, you may choose to suffer trials and tribulations for the cause of righteousness. And if that means being battered by the winds of ward gossip, losing your callings or even your precious temple recommends, then consider it part of your sacred duty to continue the work started by your ancestors of truly bringing about Zion – a community of saints in which all share in the blessings of bestowed upon humanity by heavenly parents.
But to make that happen, you must be willing to stay in the fold. And if you have left, you may want to go back. Go back to attending sacrament, even if it means being presided over by men and even 12-year-old boys. Go back to Relief Society, even if it means hearing about those “prideful” women who are seeking ordination to the priesthood. Go back to serving in the nursery, teaching primary, making “get-well casseroles” and funeral potatoes. Go back to church – your church.
Your rightful place in this Church was bought with the labors, righteousness and in some cases, the very lives of your ancestors. So the next time someone questions whether you are a “real” Mormon or whether you wouldn’t be happier in some other church, feel free to answer them, “Dear Sister/Brother, I am where I belong! My ancestors built this place and I ain’t going nowhere!”
Or you may choose to help the Church reach its full potential from the outside. But whatever you do, don’t argue politics on Facebook. With the exception of this essay, nothing good has ever come from it.
Sunday Spotlight – Christa
Today’s Sunday Spotlight comes from Christa. Who brilliant outlines inequalities in the church and what changes she thinks would be beneficial.
My parents joined the church when I was two and a half years old after being introduced to the missionaries by my nanny. I was raised in the church until I was twelve when my parents divorced, and I lived with my dad, who left the church. I was married and pregnant with my oldest children (twins) when the missionaries knocked on our door, and my husband and I took the discussions together and he joined the church.
Some of my favorite things about the church are first, the people. We all come from different backgrounds, especially in places outside of Utah. Many of us raised in different religions, with different ideas about who we are, where we came from, why we are here, where we are going. Yet we all come together with some sort of commonality on Sundays held together by either culture, beliefs, family or whatever it is that ties us to the church. I also really love the scriptures, I feel so close to the Savior and our Heavenly Parents when I study the scriptures.
I haven’t had many callings, but I enjoyed being the Activity Days leader. But I also found it difficult because there was no guideline to follow. The upside is that also left room for doing less stereotypical girly activities. However, we also only had about $150 for the entire year to plan the activities for 8 girls.
Some changes I would like to see implemented immediately would be, that many of the “priesthood callings” that have nothing to do with the priesthood, be opened to women as well as men. I would also love to see the Young Women’s program and the Activity Day program get equal budgets to the Scouting program.
Many of the inequalities I see in the church relate back to ordination. Not in logic, but in how the church operates. Women can’t be the ward clerk, that is a priesthood calling. But of the men who are ward clerk, many have no experience in finances while women with accounting degrees are passed over.
Also, my oldest daughters are eligible for baptism this month, and it was hard to realize my part in the day would be planning, sewing, and making food.
I was in a group on Facebook the first time I heard about Ordain Women, and initially I was of the mindset that I would support these women. This was before the first action even, and a couple weeks went by, and I realized: I am one of these women. Not just an ally. I know that this is a need and that it is right. And so I prayed, and I asked Heavenly Father if it was truly right for us to ask the Prophet and apostles to seek His guidance about women’s ordination. And I was taken back in my mind to the day my daughter was injured and reminded of the promptings I had, and of the miracle I saw, and I knew it was right with the Lord.
I made the decision to post my profile because I wanted to share my experience in my profile, and how I can to an understanding of women’s ordination. But even then when I knew in my heart it was right, it took my mind much longer to realize it.
My family has been pretty supportive. My mom, while she doesn’t want ordination, supports our efforts to have the question asked. A few members of my ward have come to me in support, but none openly. And my bishop at the time was pretty horrible about it. I was called into his office amid a family crisis to be chastised. He kept saying things like “women have motherhood” and “I can assure you this will never happen.” It didn’t end on a good note, and I felt pretty isolated by my church leadership because of it. But one of the stake presidency counselors was very kind and said he saw no reason for it to be a problem. Which only showed me that it really is just a matter of who has the say.
Something that give me hope for the future is that I am the one raising my children, and I am teaching them that gender inequalities are not right and are not part of Our Heavenly Parents’ plan for our happiness. And because of that, I hope they will grow to be strong members of the church, who help to eliminate the inequalities. That they will show a Christ-like love to everyone, and know that he does not discriminate based on gender or anything.
Sunday Spotlight – Kristen
Today’s Sunday Spotlight is from Kristen, who opens up about her fears of raising a son or daughter in the LDS faith.
My name is Kristen. I’m a wife, mother, news producer, and dog sport enthusiast. I am most happy when I’m outside, especially if a boat is involved. I was born and raised in the LDS Church. I have been married nearly 7 years and have an adorable little boy, two border collies, two turtles, and two sugar gliders.
I submitted a profile to Ordain Women in the spring of 2013… just a few days after finding out I was pregnant. I’ll never forget staring at that stick, and having one of the first questions that popped in my head be, “Can I raise a child in this Church?”
Ever since I was a teen, I struggled with the roles and plan for me prescribed by the LDS church. I couldn’t accept that my gender would determine what I was supposed to do with my life. And because I’m a woman, I was upset that I would always have to answer to a man when it came to church issues, even for procedural things. I couldn’t even find peace in the Temple.
And the worst part, I seemed to be utterly alone in my feelings. Everyone I knew seemed perfectly content and happy with the way things were. When I brought up gender inequality issues within the church, I was quickly dismissed. When I tried to get a hiking trip for my Young Women, I was told they were too weak to handle it. I couldn’t find anyone wanting or willing to make changes.
I worried for my future child. If it was a girl, she was facing a lifetime of being told no, modesty shaming, and limited church-approved options for her career prospects. If it was a boy, he was facing a lifetime of work piled on him that can’t be shared with women willing to help. Fatherhood would not be held in the same light as motherhood, and he would be told he needed the church to be a good man.
These were the thoughts that ran through my mind the day I logged on Facebook, and saw an article about Ordain Women. My interest was piqued, and I clicked on it.
My heart was full as I read about women and men like me. I went on the website, and read their stories. For the first time, I didn’t feel alone. I cried as I read these heartfelt stories. I hadn’t heard of any of these people before, but I felt an instant connection to them. I admired their bravery in something as simple as submitting a profile, and being courageous enough to speak up. An hour later, I wrote up my own profile and submitted it.
I’ve been cheering on Ordain Women from afar. Work and distance has kept me from attending the main actions (although I did have the opportunity to meet several members this last December at an event). I’ve found a wonderful online community where I can share my thoughts on women and their place in the church. I’m strengthened by the stories shared, and I love that there are people brave enough to talk about these issues, and make a difference for those who want to remain in the Church.
I hope women become ordained, and I truly believe it will happen. I believe the church will grow stronger if men and women work together, and not just in the roles prescribed to them.
Seeing Through My Daughter’s Eyes
Just before 5:00 p.m., January 12, 2010, a magnitude 7.0 earthquake destroyed much of Port-au-Prince, the capitol of Haiti. In seconds, 250,000 homes and 30,000 buildings were reduced to rubble, and hundreds or thousands of people lay dead or dying. The poor quality of Haitian construction ensured that the number of crush injuries was off the charts. With the infrastructure gone, those who escaped death soon faced thirst, hunger and disease. As images of horror flashed on television screens around the world, a twenty-one year old college student in Utah was moved to action. Within a few short weeks, my daughter Tracy was on the ground in Haiti conducting triage and assisting Haitian orphans.
Tracy has long been my inspiration. Born with an unusually compassionate heart, she embodies the true meaning of the word ally. When a tornado hit Joplin, MO in May of 2011, Tracy was there to help. She has traveled the world serving the poor, the hungry and the oppressed. Were it not for her example, I would never have become a male ally.
As unusual as Tracy is in the wider world her compassion is shared by many people I have met through Ordain Women. The common denominator is the ability to see the world through the eyes of another. While some claim that supporters of Ordain Women are “power hungry,” and “in it for their own gain,” this is not true. The women I know through Ordain Women are allies in other causes. They advocate for LGBTQ rights, volunteer to help the poor, run youth programs, fight for civil rights, and stand up for the marginalized. Likewise, the men of Ordain Women are involved in numerous causes, in addition to promoting equality within the Church.
Ally ship is the road to a higher morality. In the tribal world of the first century C.E., Jews and Samaritans we rivals. To Jews, the Samaritans were “the other,” “the lesser,” “a people to be despised.” In this context, Jesus explained the true meaning of “neighbor” to an expert in the Jewish law by telling the following story (Luke 10:30-37):
A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. “Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.”
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
We become a true ally, when we can see the world through another’s eyes. We become compassionate. We learn to truly love. We are able to follow Jesus’ admonition to “Go and do likewise.”
Honoring our past,
Envisioning our future.
Mark Barnes, the author of this post, is on Ordain Women’s Executive Board and is the Chair of the Male Allies Committee.
Mormon Male Privilege
Mormon male privilege begins with the patriarchy that exists in the Mormon hierarchy. Patriarchy literally means rule by fathers. It has existed in most civilizations for centuries, but has persisted in many Bible based traditions because the Bible’s narratives encourage it such as, “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence (1 Tim 2:12 KJV).”[1] Today, the word patriarchy describes a system (not a group of people) in which men hold most or all the power, in other words, rule by men. As described in the previous section Origins of Privilege, systems like this promote and propagate power for specific groups. Therefore, patriarchy promotes and propagates privilege and power for men. So, how does this manifest itself in Mormonism?
Similar to other positions of privilege, recognizing the ways in which we men inhibit and discourage women from reaching their potential can be difficult. Because privilege brings with it advantages of greater access to resources, those that don’t benefit from it have a harder time achieving the same equality in life. That is manifested financially, emotionally and socially. It is important to note that Mormon men generally try to be Christ-like in their relationship with women and the type of patriarchy that exists in the church is therefore often called a Benevolent Patriarchy. Most men are not conscientiously trying to subjugate and demoralize women, but the system unfortunately does. The following paragraphs are some examples of male privilege in Mormonism.
One of the most obvious is that positive female role models in the scriptures are almost non-existent and completely drowned out by the male roles. This may have been a product of the time in which those scriptures were written, but it continues today where there are many more male voices heard in meetings and leadership positions. Men speak in Relief Society general meetings, but women don’t speak in priesthood general meetings. This makes members expect male leadership and feel more comfortable being led and counseled by a man. Conversely, it makes women feel more comfortable taking positions of subjugation and hesitant to take on authority, or speak up and voice their opinions.
Even if only men hold the priesthood, there are many positions of leadership that do not require the ability to perform ordinances, such as Sunday School Presidency and Ward Clerk positions. Currently no women are given the ability to deal with finances and grow in this area. When a woman does have a position of authority like Relief Society President, she is referred to as Sister Johnson instead of President Johnson, whereas men who are presidents are referred to by the title President. Female auxiliaries are always overseen by male priesthood leaders, and are commonly required to obtain permission from male leaders to do things. Auxiliaries led by men receive less oversight. Like pouring salt on an open wound, women have no female voices in church discipline, and are left to confess sexual sins, or seek help in cases of sexual abuse in a room alone, with a man.
In their religious lives, LDS women are relegated to the role of mother, while men can be fathers priesthood holders, and are encouraged to pursue higher education and lucrative careers. The most public portion of a baby’s birth in the church is the all-male ritual of a baby blessing where the mother is not allowed to participate in the blessing, or even stand for recognition. Female employees of CES[2] and temple workers cannot keep their positions if they have young children or are not married. The same is not true of men.
As time has passed in the Mormon Church, women have seen their autonomy restricted rather than enhanced. As women in many countries have made strides toward equality with men, in the LDS Church, women have lost ground. For example the Relief Society started out being financially and authoritatively independent from men. Eventually, it was pulled into the main Church structure as an auxiliary of the priesthood. They also raised and controlled their own money, published their own magazines and materials, and managed their own business activities. This authority began to decline in the early 20th Century as male priesthood authorities pressured the Relief Society to disband its publication, the Women’s Exponent, confiscated and sold its massive store of grain, and ended lifetime tenure of Relief Society presidents. Also, under the consent of both Joseph Smith and Brigham Young women used to be allowed to wash, anoint with oil and perform blessings for healing the sick. Unfortunately another blow came in 1946, when women’s healing blessings were prohibited in a memorandum drafted Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles.
These disparities start when girls are young and impressionable, and form the basis of their worldview. As young as 8 years old, girls see the boys become cub scouts and engage in activities with much larger budgets than the activity days allowed for girls. This results in more involved activities for the boys. This continues through boy scouts where the young women programs usually receive much less funding. This makes many girls grow up thinking it is normal and acceptable for boys to get more, do more and be more. Many Mormon girls internalize this treatment, which makes it harder to make changes to the system, because those girls who remain in the church often see their subordinate roles as natural and defend the system. Those girls who do not accept their inferior role in the church frequently leave church activity by the time they are young adults. This system of internalization and resistance to change has been so effective that no woman had been allowed to pray in General Conference until the spring of 2013.
Mormon male privilege extends to the holiest of Mormon buildings and ceremonies, the temple. There, women covenant to hearken unto their husbands while the husbands only have to hearken to God. As Joseph Smith[3], Brigham Young[4] and Elder John D Charles[5] have said, temple goers receive a sacred new name that women have to share with their husbands but the men can never share theirs back. Though polygamy is not technically practiced anymore, the doctrine has not been rescinded, and actually is still practiced in a way. When a woman dies, her husband can be married to and sealed to another woman for time and all eternity. Women on the other hand can only be sealed for eternity to one man. If her husband dies, she cannot be sealed to another man, ever. In other words, in the eternities, Mormon men still expect to have more than one wife. The very fact that we ever practiced polygamy and still have teachings that it will be practiced in heaven, puts women in a soul crushing position of being on a lower level than men.[6]
When all these examples of male privilege are combined throughout the life of a Mormon boy, he expects more out of life than his female counterparts. He is encouraged both consciously and unconsciously to be a leader and make choices that will lead to a fulfilling life according to his personal desires. In contrast, women are encouraged to take the path of motherhood and dependence on a man for their temporal needs. When women do pursue higher education, they are often encouraged to major in areas that will enhance their skills in the home, and to end their studies once they marry and have children. This leaves Mormon women who follow this path with fewer opportunities for growth beyond motherhood, and with fewer abilities and resources to deal with the challenges of life on their own.
Well, you have all this privilege, what do you do now? Keep in mind, that you did not create the system; you are not personally to blame for the system. You can use your privilege in a positive way. Recognize that it gives you certain abilities that you have not earned, and use it for good. Use the leadership benefits of your privilege to influence others, especially those in your same privilege group. Use your money-making ability to support gender equality. Use the authority benefits of your privilege to enact more gender equality wherever you can.
Honoring our past,
Envisioning our future.
Carson Calderwood, the author of this post, is on Ordain Women’s Male Allies Committee.
[1] This verse has long been used to justify female subordination in Christianity. However, it is helpful to recognize that most scholars do not believe that 1 Timothy was written by Paul. “While seven of the letters attributed to Paul are almost universally accepted as authentic (Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Philippians, 1 Thessalonians, Philemon), four are just as widely judged to be pseudepigraphical, i.e., written by unknown authors under Paul’s name: Ephesians and the Pastorals (1 and 2 Timothy and Titus). The Blackwell Companion to The New Testament by David E. Aune, p. 9.
[2] CES stands for Church Educational System. CES employees teach seminary to high schools students, institute classes to college students, and run other church educational programs.
[3] Journal of Discourses, v. 19, p. 250
[4] An Intimate Chronicle: The Journals of William Clayton, Introduction, Signature Books, pp. xxxvi-xxxvii; see also pp. 204-240.
[5] John D. Charles. (2004). Endowed from on high: Understanding the symbols of the endowment, p.64
[6] As mentioned in the prior section, access to women is a reward for elites in a limited access system. This was definitely true for Mormon patriarchy from Joseph Smith through the end of the nineteenth century. However, sever pressure for the United States government eventually brought polygamy to a halt for the main stream LDS Church. Thus, current doctrine does not allow the practice during life, but holds out the promise of greater access to women for faithful men in the eternities. D&C 132.
[1] CES stands for Church Educational System. CES employees teach seminary to high schools students, institute classes to college students, and run other church educational programs.
[2] Journal of Discourses, v. 19, p. 250
[3] An Intimate Chronicle: The Journals of William Clayton, Introduction, Signature Books, pp. xxxvi-xxxvii; see also pp. 204-240.
[4] John D. Charles. (2004). Endowed from on high: Understanding the symbols of the endowment, p.64
[1] This verse has long been used to justify female subordination in Christianity. However, it is helpful to recognize that most scholars do not believe that 1 Timothy was written by Paul. “While seven of the letters attributed to Paul are almost universally accepted as authentic (Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Philippians, 1 Thessalonians, Philemon), four are just as widely judged to be pseudepigraphical, i.e., written by unknown authors under Paul’s name: Ephesians and the Pastorals (1 and 2 Timothy and Titus). The Blackwell Companion to The New Testament by David E. Aune, p. 9.
[6] As mentioned in the prior section, access to women is a reward for elites in a limited access system. This was definitely true for Mormon patriarchy from Joseph Smith through the end of the nineteenth century. However, sever pressure for the United States government eventually brought polygamy to a halt for the main stream LDS Church. Thus, current doctrine does not allow the practice during life, but holds out the promise of greater access to women for faithful men in the eternities. D&C 132.
Sunday Spotlight – Debra
Today’s Sunday Spotlight comes from Debra. Through her bravery and faithfulness she helps other women find their voice and continues to focus on the Savior through service and work within her community.
What gives you hope for the future?
Well, when it comes to the Church, the fact that younger women and girls see the inequality and do not accept it. This is also true of many of the younger men I know. I have been pleasantly surprised by the willingness of many, especially younger members, to honestly think about and consider gender inequality and how it can change.
But the thing that gives me hope when it comes to the gospel is that I truly believe in the 9th Article of Faith and the idea that Heavenly Parents will guide this Church if the members prepare themselves and the leaders only ask.
Aside from ordination, what are some changes you would like to see implemented immediately in the Church?
I would love to see young women and girls included more from top to bottom. I’d like to see a more robust Activity Day program and a YW program that focuses on developing well-rounded women who are prepared for this world.
I would love to hear more about Heavenly Mother. Even if it is to say “We don’t know about Her, but isn’t it a beautiful thing that we know She is there?” I long to hear anything about Her.
Tell us more about your connection to Mormonism.
I was raised by divorced parents: a non-member father and inactive mother. My beloved paternal grandparents are devout Catholics; my maternal grandparents are faithful Mormons. My mother’s mother decided, for some reason, that I should go to church with them and be baptized, which she never pushed with my sister. I had no interest until I was a teenager and then I decided I wanted to go to girl’s camp. You can read in my journals that as I moved through my teen years I decided to accept the frequent challenge: I read the Book of Mormon and prayed about it and Joseph Smith. A testimony grew and I could not deny that this was where I found the truth. I recall being drawn especially to the thought of Heavenly Parents and the YW values of Individual Worth and Divine Nature. The idea that these people knew me and made me exactly who I am supposed to be resonated with me—probably because of the experience of growing up a child of divorce—it meant feeling like I was part of a larger family.
What was your favourite calling?
Funnest calling: I was YW president for one year. It was so much fun and so much work. But I L.O.V.E. girls camp!
Best calling: I taught Gospel Doctrine for three years and I am not ashamed to say that I rocked at it. I loved planning the lessons and engaging with adults on gospel topics. My testimony has never been stronger than when I taught that class.
What are some of the things you love about the Church?
The focus on service and community. I find the Saviour in these principles. We are a people who rally around others in need and we are supposed to be a people who welcome and love all who need support. When done right, it is a truly beautiful thing.
What are some examples of gender inequality you see in the Church?
I would not know where to start. I see them everywhere. Just today, I sat outside the clerk’s office and watched the men move around, shuffling paperwork, and realized that I would never be allowed to do that.
How did you discover Ordain Women?
I saw it on Facebook the day it went live. I can’t remember if someone sent me the link or if I saw it on Feminist Mormon Housewives; but I will never forget the post. It simply said, “Have you seen this??”
What prompted you to put up your profile?
OW came along after I had been quietly living with the hope of women’s ordination for more than 20 years. I gave the party line, made little jokes about it, but never seriously advocated because I was terrified that people would realize how much I really wanted it. I had been participating in FMH for 7 years, and had been a vocal supporter of Wear Pants to Church Day.
But the genesis of my participation can be boiled down to a Sunday in March 2010. The hardest day I ever had at church was the day my son was ordained a Deacon. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins were all there. We entered the bishop’s office and the women—my mother, my husband’s mother, me—were all shunted to the side. My son, for whom I had ironed countless white shirts, was surrounded by men he mostly didn’t know. I had never felt so useless or unnecessary.
This story is also perfect example of the gender inequality I see in the Church. Women are not necessary for anything that happens, other than making new priesthood holders. No women were involved in the interview, the ordination, the training, or the setting apart of my son.
What has been the reaction of your ward/ family/friends?
Most of my family is not LDS so they have been supportive. My friends have been largely supportive. My ward has been a mixed bag. I have lost some people I considered trusted friends.
Have your feelings grown or changed since submitting your profile?
I am more convinced than ever that this is the beginning of a long process required for revelation to be received. We have the responsibility to demonstrate our desire and readiness to receive greater blessings. This is how we do that.
Have you had the opportunity to attend any actions? How did they effect/change you?
I have attended them all. I have been deeply moved by the women and men who have attended. They are sincere and loving and I consider myself lucky to have stood next to them.
I did not realize, nor was I prepared for, how powerful and painful it would be to be denied access to a sacred space in my own faith because of my gender. I have also been deeply disappointed in the reactions of members of the Church to these actions. The messages of hate and vitriol I have received personally following each one have probably been one of the biggest challenges to my testimony.
Do you have any examples of sharing your OW testimony to others?
I hosted an OW Conversation at my house. One dear friend who attended expressed, for the first time that I know of, that she has always wanted to be ordained but that she has also always known that she was not allowed to say that publicly.
How do you see the perception of OW changing with ward members/family/friends?
I have received several private messages from women in my ward who have thanked me for what I am doing. They have expressed hope that they live to see us successful.
MALE ALLIES Conversation Seven
Ordain Women is excited to announce the 7th Conversation, Male Allies. The 7 OW Conversations are not about conversion but conversation and the hope is that they will be used to both educate and help others understand differing points of view. The Male Allies Conversation was compiled by men who also hope for the ordination of women and it is specifically geared toward LDS men who love Ordain Women supporters and are looking for ways to further understand their trials. You can download the 7th Conversation here: OW7MaleAllies. Please join the Men of Ordain Women on Sunday, April 26th at 4:00 MDT in a live Google Hangout as they discuss Ordain Women from their distinct perspective.
Honoring our past,
Envisioning our future.
Joanna Wallace, the author of this post, is the Chair of Ordain Women’s Social Media Committee.
Sunday Spotlight – Lori
Today’s spotlight features Lori, who finds hope for the future in the changes she has already seen in the church and in the answers she receives to her prayers assuring her that more is yet to come.
Tell us about your connection to Mormonism.
On my mother’s side, my ancestors joined the church mostly in Kirtland and then all came west to Utah in the 1850s. They stayed out west. On my father’s side, my grandmother from Georgia was the first to join the church as a teenager. My grandfather joined before my father was old enough to be baptized. So, I’ve always been LDS. I grew up in Arkansas, where my local congregation was very small. So small, in fact, that we called it not a branch, but a twig. I was the only Mormon in my high school and almost could not believe it when I got to BYU as a freshmen and saw thousands of Mormons walking around campus.
What are some of the things you love about the Church? Have you had a favorite calling in the church?
I love the striving for good and the sense of being part of something bigger than any individual. I’ve held just about every calling available to a woman in the LDS Church and I’ve liked a lot of them. What I like best is working with good people and having autonomy in what we do. Serving in Relief Society Presidencies seems to provide that opportunity most often. I have been in Primary and YW presidencies at both the ward and stake level, but the RS presidency operates a bit more independently than Primary or YW, so I like that better.
Aside from ordination, what are some changes you would like to see implemented immediately in the Church?
I would like to see more women in leadership positions. We need women in positions not just to give counsel to male leaders, but to be the ones making decisions, either independently or jointly. Men and women have different strengths; I believe the LDS Church would be a much stronger institution if women and men made more decisions jointly.
What are some examples of gender inequality you see in the Church?
Real leadership roles are all given to men. Starting with the bishopric, then the high council, stake presidency, and so on, there are variety of ways for men to be part of real decision-making, serving, and connecting with other church leaders. None of these same opportunities exist for women. I have also seen how I am not treated as an equal partner with my husband in many instances in church.
How did you discover Ordain Women?
I have known one of the original board members for several years and was one of the first people she approached to submit a profile. I hesitated initially, because even though I have believed my entire adult life that women would one day be ordained, I had never discussed it publicly and wasn’t at all sure that going public on the internet was the right choice. Once I read the initial profiles and realized just how Gospel-centered they were, I quickly added mine.
What prompted you to put up your profile?
My father and I discussed ordination of women from the time I was a teen. I remember him specifically telling me that in all his scripture study, he had never found any more evidence prohibiting ordination for women in the scriptures than what had been appropriated to deny black men the priesthood prior to 1978. He was sure that women would one day be ordained, though it appears from some discussions I have had with priesthood leaders who served with him at that time, that he did not discuss these thoughts with any of them. They were private and shared only with his family. But he convinced me that I would only need to be patient and that ordination to the Priesthood would one day happen for women. The answers to personal prayers about female ordination were always met with the admonition to “be patient”. At least until Oct. of 2013 when the answer was that the time had come to act.
How have people close to you reacted to your advocacy for women’s ordination?
I have been lucky and most reactions have been positive. I have no family or close friends outside of LDS feminist circles who have posted profiles, but they are mostly supportive of me and what I do. Some agree with me that women will be ordained, but do not believe in activism. Others see inequality that needs to be addressed, but do not believe ordination to the priesthood is necessary to achieve it. And others are just fine with the way things are. With the occasional exception, I have received support from my family.
Have your feelings grown or changed since submitting your profile?
I am much braver about speaking what I believe. I no longer pretend I do not believe women will be ordained and I am convinced that part of my role here on earth at this time is to be a voice for change in this area. It has been difficult at times to maintain full church involvement when accusations from strangers and some friends and even church leaders have been judgmental and harsh, but I am continually blessed with reassurances from my heavenly parents that I am where I should be and that this church is the right vehicle for salvation and that they understand my difficulties. I am the recipient of lots of tender mercies, for which I am very grateful.
Have you had the opportunity to attend any actions? How did they affect you?
I attended the first priesthood session action in Oct. 2013. It was an amazing experience from beginning to end. I wrote about it on the OW blog when it happened, so I won’t detail it all here, but I felt the love and support of my heavenly parents the entire journey encouraging me. What to me was the most incredible part was that though I was apprehensive about flying halfway across the country to Utah and then showing up at a public park that I wasn’t even sure how to find to be met by mostly people I had never before met face-to-face, the minute I arrived and met others I felt at home. People seemed familiar.
Do you see the perception of OW changing with ward members/family/friends?
I’m not sure that the perceptions of OW have changed much, but the awareness of inequalities for women are noticed more and more people are willing to discuss those and how to change them. I have many friends and family who are working on eliminating these inequalities in ways other than being involved with OW.